I was laid off from my job yesterday.  My position was cut, or so they say.

After a crappy night of sleep, I was up at 6am.  Experiencing the classic symptoms of bad news - denial, anger, depression, bargaining (what ifs?).  I know that from a contractual standpoint, I was a great employee - I did more than the required home visits, I updated ATLAS thoroughly (there were even emails sent out listing all the times we had updated lesson plans and I was by far tops among the staff - and comparing lesson plans I can see just how more thorough mine were), I was always on time to school.. I regularly worked late just so I could get everything done. I could go on and on...

 And it hurts being such a self-deprecating person:   "At the bottom line, did they think I was a bad teacher?"  At the meeting there was no, "You're a great teacher, but the budget requires blah blah blah."  No positive remarks at all.  It was rather cold and callous, and all I was told is that I am an At-Will Employee, that they don't have to give me a reason for letting me go (when I asked "Why me?", when there are other social studies teachers with less experience/education staying).   But their comments aren't what matter.  I didn't teach for them, I taught for my students.  I had several students tell me this year - some of whom other teachers had said that they couldn't learn or needed to be tested - when they got the highest scores on tests that they had ever had, they told me that they liked the way I taught, because I actually taught so they could learn. I've had parents who I've heard other teachers label as difficult or impossible to deal with basically thank me for being me and not writing their child off because of past incidents.  When my students said to me this week, "See you next year!" and my uncertain reply was "I hope so, but I don't know," they cheerfully responded that of course I'd be back - I was one of the good teachers.  So even though I didn't sleep well last night as the news sank in, I know that I can sleep comfortably knowing that I am an excellent teacher, I have made an impact in the lives of so many students, that I have done what I sought out to do, and that this bump in the road financially is just going to propel me into better and greater things.

I was born to be a teacher.  Early in my college career, I took the Myers-Briggs assessment test and sure enough, I was an ENFJ: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ENFJ  The teacher: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teacher_(Role_Variant)

I honestly cannot imagine doing anything else as a career.  Its not just a job, but a vocation for me. Its a calling. I can get over the anger, the bitterness, the resentment.  But what hurts the most is that they did not even give me a chance to say goodbye to my students.  They waited til school was out, and even most of the teachers were gone to let me know.  My kids from this year will be seniors next year.  I won't get to help them as I have with past students with their college choices, I won't get to write them letters of recommendation, I won't get to see them go to Prom or to walk across the stage at graduation.  I sit here and think of my students from the past year and it hurts that I know so many of them valued me as their teacher, they really appreciated the time and effort that I dedicated to them.  They appreciated me, and I appreciated the chance to be their teacher.

With a master's degree in history, I'm not an expert in the field, but to the student I was.  I've had freshmen surprised by the fact that I could answer any of their questions about history, even stuff I wasn't even teaching (I guess their previous teachers weren't so knowledgeable).  And if my student's final exams were any indication, they really did learn the content.  But teaching has been about so more than just are they learning history.  Education is more than just facts and knowledge, but about helping students grow and develop into adults, into good citizens, into good people. Its funny that my school has had classes in "character education" and "moral health", but I believe that the best way to teach children the morals and character you want them to develop is through example.  And I have tried, best I can, to be a great example for them.  By treating them with respect and dignity.  By responding to discipline issues with a calm, caring demeanor, rather than just yelling or kicking them out.  "Shut up," was not allowed in my classroom, I never used it to get them quiet.  I didn't try to be their friends, but I tried to mentor and provide guidance as best I could.  Its hard to explain, but there's so many little things that I've done over the years, that made such a huge difference in their lives.  Little jokes and words of comfort.  Routines that were comfortable and not obtrusive.  An open door at the end of the school day or at lunch.

 It baffles me that a school that promotes itself so much as a "School of Excellence" (something I helped them achieve) would not value all that I have done for them, and would "thank me" for 11 years of service like this.  Maybe its because I've never been a self-promoting person.  I don't walk around the school as if I am God's gift to the teaching world.  I'm not reaching out for recognition for accomplishments.  Maybe I should have promoted myself more.  The school is big on appearances.  But in 11 years, I never helped get the school on the news in the morning.  I'm not a coach, no recognition for sports victories.  I just worked hard to give my students the best education I could give them.  Perhaps it is just that I had too many years experience.  It was 11 years ago - about a month and half before I interviewed with my school - when my Dad lost his job after 16 years on a Friday in June for having too much experience.  There are those that say, "treat it like a business" when it comes to schools, and essentially, that is what charter schools are all about.  Its a business, its about the bottom line.  But I really want to ask parents this:  Would you fly on an airline that eliminates the pilots with the most experience and education?  Would you want to go to a hospital that lays off the doctors with more than 10 years experience?  Would you want your community policed only by rookie cops and firefighters?